Parenting Makeover? Yes we Can!

A recent study out of Scotland by Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk has suggested that infants who face away from their parents in strollers are less likely to talk, laugh and interact with others. It was a small experiment involving just twenty babies, but it brings to mind studies of infants raised in orphanages during the early 1900s who often died during their first year of life, or were severely retarded in their physical and mental growth. It was discovered that by hiring extra staff who had more time for holding and talking to the babies, death rates dropped and the infants had a chance to develop normally.
We know that all humans, adults included, need touch and interaction. Parenting conveniences today such as swings, hard bucket carriers, infant seats and strollers have taken the place of a parent’s arms. No one will argue that life is fast paced and people are expected to accomplish much in their day. With so many families needing two incomes, parents often arrive home exhausted, and a swing that comforts their little one while they cook dinner and clean the house can seem like a God send. But I think today’s parents are hostages, not only of an economy that leaves less time for family, but also of a society that once again demands that we keep our babies at arms length.
I had a call from a customer a few months ago who wanted a baby carrier, but one that wouldn’t interfere in the line of her jacket, because it was very important for her to have a polished, put together look. I was speechless. This young mother not only had to cope with her job and her young infant, but also society’s expectations of her as a “yummy mummy.” Anyone who watches television knows about the proliferation of shows that demand makeovers, whether its houses, wardrobes, or a person’s physical appearance. Well what about this: what if we demand a society makeover? I want a culture that insists on parents being allowed to take their babies to work, or at least have them close at hand. I want to experience a society that cares about the mental and emotional welfare of the family. I want to see parents encouraged to wear their babies and share the close physical contact that is necessary to all primates on the planet, including humans. A teddy bear is fine as a toy, but it’s no substitute for the warm touch of a parent. Hard plastic seats prove to not only deprive infants emotionally, but may also cause back problems for them in the future. Pediatricians, at least reputable ones, no longer counsel parents to leave a crying baby unattended. They know that this sends a message to the child that they might as well soothe themselves, because no one is coming to the rescue. Self soothing for adults can translate into drug, alcohol and sexual abuse, so what about if we just start meeting our infants needs, and our own instead? Let’s wear our babies. Let’s be a society that cares more about the feelings of our children than the label on our clothing. Let’s take what we know to be true and act on it.
So when you’ve had a hard day either at work or around the house, strap on your carrier and while you’re preparing dinner, tell your baby all about your day. When you’re shopping in the mall, wear your baby and talk about everything you’re seeing, or if they’re too old for a carrier, talk to them while you push them in the stroller. Ignore your cell phone, and let this part of your day be about the two of you. Believe me, when they’re sixteen and want to go to a party, you’re going to appreciate the connection.
Happy Trekking.

Breastfeeding in the BabyTrekker

Thanks to my big sister Linda for writing this article. She is a La Leche League leader, a certified lacatation consultant, and, as we like to call her in our family, the "Grand Poobah" of breastfeeding information.

Nurturing your baby through breastfeeding is a natural way to meet both of your needs. Satisfying your baby’s hunger as soon as he shows hunger signs teaches him that the world is a safe place to live. Breasts are multi-purposeful , providing comfort, ease, distraction and attachment. Your body can provide comfort when she hurts, distraction when she’s fussy, ease when you need to get things done and she wants to be held, and increased bonding every time you hold her.

The babyTrekker was created by Judy, a busy mother who breastfed on the go right from the start. You may be wondering how to breastfeed in the Trekker. I know some of you have had experience with other carriers that don’t contain this possibility in their design.

I often start at the beginning. If I met you during your pregnancy, I would encourage you to get a doula (www.dona.com), which often helps to reduce birth interventions that may interfere with breastfeeding. Of course I share information about attending a LLL meeting (www.LLLI.org) or a local breastfeeding group so that you can see and hear some great suggestions for a wonderful start.

Next I would advocate for you to have your brand new baby placed skin to skin on your belly immediately after birth. If that’s not possible, skin to skin contact as soon as possible after the birth to help begin the hormonal and emotional connection between the two of you. Baby’s naked chest against yours will awaken your baby’s instinctual need to start moving towards his earliest place of comfort, your breast. Her little toes will dig in, her eyes and hands will search for the target, she’ll smell her hand which should still have some amniotic fluid on it which smells like your breastmilk. Often she’ll search with her hand to feel the bump of your nipple and she will bob, and move towards it. You can offer some guidance by placing your hand on his back or his bum. The baby who starts out this way often instinctually digs her chin into the breast, opens her mouth wide and latches on beautifully. Health professionals refer to this as an asymmetrical latch. http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/bla.html Ask for help if you need it from your health provider, a La Leche Leader www.LLLI.com or a lactation consultant www.ilca.org.

The babyTrekker is set up perfectly for comfortable nursing. To nurse on the right breast, loosen the left shoulder strap to bring your baby in a diagonal position with your baby’s nose opposite to your nipple. With the palm of your hand between baby’s shoulders, you can make sure the baby’s chest nestles against yours. Allow your baby’s head to tip back slightly, so her chin comes against your breast first. He can then grasp a good portion of the areola, and you don’t have to hold your breast. You may have a baby who gets her hand in the way, remember this is an instinctual move on the baby’s part, she’s smelling and feeling for your nipple. Let her bob forward or lunge onto your breast, it’s right there, free for a nibble and a nap.
Judy’s sister (also Canadian eh!
Babies are either he or she so I am alternating them to be inclusive.
babyTrekkers are also multi-purposeful, and these same reasons apply.

Crazy in Flin Flon, or, could I have some wine with my Whine?

2008 could end up being my most challenging, exciting, frightening, and creative year ever. This year I decided to tweak the design of my babyTrekker carrier, and manufacture it here in Canada, in organic cotton. Well, why not add a few other products, like the stirrups that will be coming out at the end of June? Of course, that means new packaging to be designed, new tags, instructions, new photos, and so on. One doesn't realize that an idea is the edge of a toe on a long row of dominoes. Run with that idea, and everything spills over. Add to that Michelle's graduation from University in May, Mari-Anne's graduation from high school in June, her 18th birthday in early July,and Hilary's wedding in August and I think we can safely say that we have a full agenda for the next few months. But wait! Its also homecoming in Flin Flon, at the end of June. Lots of family are coming to town, as well as three or four thousand acquaintances. Of course, our community choir will be performing on the last night of the celebrations. I'm sure that I'm leaving something out, because it doesn't sound half as busy as we're all feeling.
The problem with being so busy is that each of these things is wonderful in and of itself, and deserves my full attention. Mari-Anne, our baby, is graduating! Thirteen years of "Get up, its time for school, have you done your homework, where is your science fair project!" are coming to a close, and I have to admit...its mostly a relief. There are precious memories involved here, even if its a little harder the third time around. We have (mostly) loved the Christmas and piano concerts, the soccer and basketball games, the birthday parties, sleepovers, and working well into the night on strange popsicle stick projects. We have faithfully attended parent teacher nights, and cheered ourselves hoarse at various events. We have read literally thousands of bedtime stories, in fact I think Hilary was 17 when I stopped reading to her at bedtime. Bedtime stories are my favorite memories of all.
So I want to focus on one thing at a time, if I may. I will leave Mari's birthday for July's blog, so there's one item off the list. I'll consign Hilary's wedding to the August blog, again, lightening up the page. Homecoming...well, its a wonderful thing, and once I clean my house, I'll be more than ready for my 400 relatives. But my life as the mother of a child at school is coming to a close, and that needs to be honored, and pondered over for a time. I'm feeling so... so... yeehaaaaaaa! No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers...well my husband is a teacher, and poor Mari has received a few dirty looks from both of us over the years. Yes, I have fond memories from all the years at Parkdale school, and then Hapnot High, but to never have to bug her again about her schoolwork! Well, we'll be so close now, it'll frighten the both of us. I know she'll move on to higher education, after a year of work and travel, but frankly, that will be her problem. Now, I know that the experts would tell me that it was always her problem, but that's not how it felt. Somehow, I always felt the weight of her essays and math exams far more than she did. Well, its over now, and I've passed. I think.
On June 25th, I will walk out of The Whitney Forum, (which, sadly, is where our ceremonies take place) and be all grown up. Yet without gray hair and a hump on my back. "Its all good", to quote my niece, Heather. So here's looking at you, Mari. Have a wonderful grad...we're behind you all the way...really. I won't say any more, because I'll be torturingyou in July's blog about your birthday.

Happy Graduation, Michelle!

I started this blog a few days ago, writing about the change in weather, and the endings and beginnings involved as winter turns to spring. Then I realized, what I really wanted to talk about was my daughter, Michelle. She is graduating from university this May, and though she may continue her education at some point, this is both an ending and a beginning for her. She is 21 years old, and I couldn’t even picture this day when she was a young baby, unhappy with the world. My heart and mind were too filled with solving the problem of her distress. One babyTrekker design and 21 years of life later, I can really see the changes as her life has unfolded.
Michelle has always felt things deeply, and this continued when she got out of the “fussy” stage. When she was a baby, she was letting me know in the best way she could that all was not right in her world. How glad I am that I listened to her cries for help, and didn’t plop her in a crib and shut the door. What a message that would have sent.
I think vibrant is too mild a word for Michelle. She brings enthusiasm to everything she does, whether its sports, or schoolwork. She is open and honest about her feelings, and deals very directly with everybody. I’m so proud of the person that she has become and is becoming.
She plays an interesting and important role in our family. If you need straight talk, an honest opinion about an outfit, or a wider perspective, Michelle’s your girl. Her candor is never hurtful, though. She has a lot of wisdom for a girl her age.
One of my favorite things about Michelle is her independent spirit. She started undressing herself around 8 months old, and by the time she turned two, she was dressing herself completely, and picking out her own outfits. She had strong opinions, and though we clashed from time to time, I got a kick out of the way she expressed herself. My two favorite things she said when she was four are, “Are we real, or just a dream in God’s head?” and “That damn government” on finding out that the parade of lights was cancelled. That last part was definitely shades of her grandfather!
I’m celebrating you, Michelle, in the month of April. I’m so proud of all your achievements, and the wonderful person that you are. As I watch your life unfold, I know there are wonderful things waiting for you. Your dad and I feel blessed to have you for a daughter. Happy Graduation honey!

Raise your baby to be a great teenager

Last weekend I had the privilege of watching my youngest daughter Mari’s basketball team win their zone championship, and a spot in the upcoming provincial games. I watched her face as the buzzer went to signal the end of the game, and it was lit with such pure joy that it became one of those pleasure/pain moments that fill you up and catch in your throat at the same time. The team rushed together with hugs and cheers, and it was beautiful to watch.
These are the moments that you can’t imagine when you’re slogging through another day with a fussy baby. I remember when Mari was born, and we realized that though not as unhappy as Michelle had been (an 8 on the Richter scale) she still had things to work out before she was content to be in the world. I carried her daily in the babyTrekker, and nightly too, for that matter, if you count the late evenings. My husband would spell me off, and take Mari for long walks in the woods near our house, while I put our two other daughters to bed. She was a dear baby, a quirky, fun toddler, and is a calm and (mostly) restful teenager. Like her sisters, she is very athletic, and seems to excel at all sports. This is a cause of awe and puzzlement to me, since I was the child who was picked last for dodge ball (or any ball, for that matter.) I confess… I relish this part of my children’s life; that they experience so much joy from their participation in team sports. I also live vicariously through Mari during her games, as all athletically challenged parents do when their child surprises them with a natural ability. I draw the line at screaming at refs, though.
Lately I’ve been making the connection between how we relate to our teenagers in comparison to how we related to them as infants. Though we’ve had our eye rolling moments, and “you totally don’t trust me” times, I feel blessed to be with my children, and enjoy their company so much. I know that feeling is reciprocated, and it feels like a benediction. I tell my customers, “go ahead and wear your baby all day…it won’t spoil them! Share sleep…nurse for as long as you want to, and don’t let anyone say when but you and your baby. Do anything that creates that strong invisible cord between you that won’t be cut by age, or attitude, or even distance. By letting your heart be the road map of your relationship, you’re telling your baby every day, “I trust you, and I’m listening to you. I hear you.” And the teenager remembers.
All those moments our family has shared…from camping with three week old Mari and two children with rampant diarrhea, to reading Harry Potter together way past midnight, to water sliding in the backyard, to first parties, and first boyfriends and onward. These are the moments you don’t think about when they are babies, but they come, and the cord of trust that you develop with your infant still connects you to your teenager. And interestingly enough, the stronger the bond, the easier it is for them to make their way in the world. It’s like math: love + trust = independence. You trust your infant to teach you how to parent, and your children trust you because you are there for them. And then they see the world as a place where anything is possible.