babyTrekker story of the month

A New Beginning

2009-11-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

November, in spite of its location near the end of the year, always feels like a beginning to me. Fresh snow hides the dead leaves and hibernating perennials and the northern Manitoba landscape falls asleep under a white winter blanket. The world is new again.
Seeing summer slip away is never easy, but the falling snow seems to wipe my slate clean, allowing me a fresh start. I feel at rest. Work and family life continue, but it's more contained as we move indoors. Everything seems a little easier. November is a good thinking month.
This fall our babyTrekker business is twenty years old. Michelle, our middle daughter who inspired its creation, along with her younger sister Mari, are both off to college. This leaves their dad and I with an empty nest. We feel like newlyweds, but ones who contantly check Facebook for sightings of our children.
Fall has brought other new experiences to our family. My niece Beth gave birth in September to Lily, the first grandchild in our extended family. The excitement of this happy event has been ongoing. And now, our oldest daughter Hilary is pregnant with her first baby.
I don't know why, but I've had a little trouble taking it in. Its amazing, and wonderful, and yet...she's still my baby. Granted, she's twenty-six years old and has been married and working away from home for a few years. But I still picture her heading out the door for her first day of school, her little blonde head neatly braided, her kindergarten backpack too large for her small frame. I see her smile as she turns to wave, her other hand safely tucked into her dad's as they head down the driveway for the walk to school. That moment, that first letting go, was bittersweet.
Along with the new beginning this baby represents for Hilary and Bob, and for us as grandparents, it also signals another letting go. Becoming a parent is the ultimate growing up experience. The moment one's baby is born, the world changes completely and for ever. An all encompassing love is born in that moment and the feelings of protection toward that helpless infant are unlike anything else in the world. For many of us, it is the first time that we are truly empowered as individuals, and finally feel the strength of our own abilities. What we have often been too uncertain of or afraid to do for ourselves, we will do for our children. As a woman gives birth to her child, so she gives birth to her new self as a mother, and her partner as a father. The whole family, grand parents included, are born again into a new way of being.
When May arrives, Hilary, I will embrace the new you, the warrior mother, your best grown up self. But at the same time,to quote Blake Shelton, the country singer, 'I don't care if you're eighty, you'll always be my baby.'

Why I Love La Leche League

2009-08-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we look back over our shoulder, we catch a glimpse of the past streaming behind us, like a comet's tail. In that moment, we see the events of our lives with a clarity and perspective given only by the passage of time. Sifting through the multiple chapters of our life's experience, we can sum up the characters and events that have made us who we are, who we love, and why we love. We nod in relief at our wise decisions, and grieve our foolish ones. We can clearly see the impact of each decision,and the road taken as a result.
My road to La Leche league started with my sister Linda, who was told by our mother to "get the information, but for God's sake, don't join!" In an uncharacteristically rebellious manner (ha ha) Linda did indeed join,paving the way for the next five sisters.
Initially it was our introduction to mothering through breastfeeding. After that, they might as well have called the meetings "How to Empower Yourself and Become The Person You Were Meant To Be." Such was the effect of league on myself and my friends. My journey within this unique group of women took me past a fear of childbirth and into two empowered home births. In the year that I had my first vbac, every mother in our group except one was able to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean. Our leader, Dona, was a contributing factor in this. We learned about the power of good nutrition. Whole grains good; sugar bad. This was news to me! We learned to communicate more effectively with our children. "Hilary, the bed is not for jumping on," was a more effective statement than the more typical, "get the heck off the bed, you dumb kid, do you want to break your neck?" It sounds easy now, but believe me, a lot of work went into changing old parenting patterns. We learned how to stand up for ourselves and our children. I used to be such a fraidy cat. Its easy to surrender your values and ideals, and then complain later, but that kind of passive aggressive behavior leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. League taught me to stick up for myself, my children, and my beliefs.
I learned to trust my heart. When I had my first child, everyone had an opinion on how she should be raised. At La Leche League, I learned to listen to my baby and my own instincts. This led to the design of my first carrier, the babyTrekker, since attachment parenting is a concept highly promoted by league.
I finally got organized by being involved with La Leche League. Planning meetings, budgeting, and speaking in front of the group all prepared me for running my own business. I've made plenty of mistakes, and I'm not the world's most savvy business owner. But I'll tell you what. I'm a damned good mother. (Just ask my kids!) So thanks, La Leche League, and God bless all of you out there. Your mother to mother help meant more than you could ever know.

Face baby out in the carrier? Yes you can!

2009-06-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have no doubt that after writing this blog, I will be hauled off by the baby carrier police and hung forthwith, most likely in an inward facing, psychologically and physiologically correct position. In a recent discussion with a new kid on the block carrier designer, I was informed that people 'in the know' otherwise called 'babywearing experts' have decided that infants should no longer face outward in carriers. I tried at length to discover the basis for this new ruling. Studies? Research? Nada. She's not alone in her non specific concerns. There's a miasma of misinformation floating about this very subject on the internet. There is lots of concern expressed in various chat rooms around the world but no one has any actual information. Its just a 'feeling' people have, that babies shouldn't face outward. Vague references to spinal subluxations have been made. Lengthy discussions have ensued regarding the proper space a carrier should occupy between a baby's legs, and whether a child facing outward is 'hanging' rather than sitting. Our discussions with chiropractors, and information received via another company from pediatric orthopedic surgeon Dr. Klausdieter Parsch have clearly stated that as long as an infant is in a seated human position with a flexion of 90 degrees and an abudction of 45 degrees, then their spine is supported and this facilitates proper maturation of the hip joints. Speaking plainly, facing out is okay, as long as your baby's legs are sitting at a natural angle.
Another reason given for not facing babies away is that they need to spend time bonding with their parents. I believe that eye to eye contact with your baby is crucial. Its one of the great benefits of nursing. Perhaps, if you're spending a lot of time away from your baby, having them faced toward you in a carrier is a good idea. Otherwise, if you have lots of face time with your baby, and they're indicating that they'd like to look around for awhile, go for it. Babies have been people watching in the babyTrekker for 20 years, and in the babyBjorn for over 45 years. I'm fairly sure the Swedes would be up in arms if a correlation had been found between lack of bonding and the facing out position. There has been no research at all in this regard.
Can we give parents and babies credit for common sense? If a baby is uncomfortable or frightened, they let us know. And facing a baby out in a baby carrier, or sling, is not like facing them out in a stroller. When a young infant is placed in a stroller, especially facing out, they are alone in the world. They might as well be on the moon, their disconnect from you is so total. Babies don't have any idea that they are separate from you, so this is a scary thing indeed. But when a baby is carried in the outward facing position of a carrier, specifically the baby Trekker, their backs are pressed against your tummy and chest. Your breath is felt on their head, and your words are whispered in their ear. Your hands hold their hands, or their feet, and you talk as you go, explaining what you're doing, what you're seeing. Frankly, something fairly horrifying could happen within your baby's view, and because they would have no context for it, it would be meaningless. Faces they know, of course, and if you've ever had a baby faced out in a carrier on your chest, you know that they delight people who pass by. They see a series of smiling faces.
So, this is it. I'm writing to say, get over it. Stop with all the drama and let people parent their babies. Find a carrier that works for you, (though there's one I could recommend!) and spend lots of time holding your little one. You need it as much as they do, and you'll both be happier for it.
I have to go now...could somebody post my bail?

2009-03-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

I finished reading Ayaan Hirsi Ali's book, "Infidel," a few weeks ago, and it has stayed with me. As she escapes her old life to make a new one for herself, she discards the shackles of her faith and discovers reason. Her journey takes her from childhood to womanhood, and from Somalia to the Netherlands. Our North American lives are incredibly easy compared with the life of a young girl in Somalia. But something nagged at me while I read; a familiarity with the powerlessness she experienced as a young girl being circumcised, and as a young woman with no rights. And then I realized; that's how it feels to give birth in North America. At least, for me and many, many other women. I remember when my first daughter was born. I ended up with an unnecessary cesarean, and when I asked the surgeon if I could have a vaginal birth with my next baby, he told me that he wished his patients wouldn't try to think. Just leave everything up to him. And would we please stop reading! This happened a number of years ago, but from what I can see, not much has changed. I hired a midwife for my next two births, and was amazed by the difference.
What it comes down to is power. I had no power in the hospital. Though the nurses were unbelievably kind, I felt helpless. I wanted to be "good" so I didn't make any noise. All the attention was on the monitor, the drip, the catheter, etc.
When I had my babies at home, I made as much noise as I wanted. I roamed the house, got down on all fours, and used some fairly colorful language. With my third baby, I had a water birth. And I learned a lot about power. Having a baby does that for you anyway, but a birth that acknowledges the mother as the one in charge is an amazing experience.
When we parent, we teach our children about power. As a Christian, I read lots about parenting from "experts" and it usually involved baby crying it out, and mommy and daddy controlling and hitting. Fortunately, I found a lot of good books in my local La Leche League library that helped me discover the mother inside me that God wanted me to be. And I discovered the benefits of baby wearing. This was an aha! moment for me. When you listen to what your baby is telling you and respond appropriately, you empower your baby as well as yourself. You become tuned in, and life is easier. Your baby feels heard, and your relationship becomes a dance instead of a battle. A new father confessed his fear that his baby would become the 'boss' if he picked him up every time he cried. A 200 pound man worried about being controlled by an eight pound infant is a sad indictment of how far we've come from natural parenting. Why are we messing with creation and biology? Baby mammals need lots of touching. They need our reassuring voice and the up and down, back and forth movement of being carried in our arms or on our bodies in a carrier. The best message we can give our child is "You are worthy. You are special, beloved, and I am amazed by the unique, wonderfulness of you." Let's not kid ourselves. Our children wear our spoken and unspoken messages like tatoos pressed into their brains and hearts. If we only want to control, and not to understand, we have to ask ourselves; where does our anger comes from? Do we have our own deep wells of sadness that we're dealing with, that makes it hard to bear the outbursts of a tired toddler or the sometimes overwhelming need of a young baby? Asking the question makes finding the answer a little easier.
Parenting is the hardest journey. It's also satisfying, fulfilling and joyful, even with teenagers :). At the end of the day, we won't be thinking about the money we've made or the toys we've acquired. Because as we age, and our children become the caregivers, we'll find the measure of our success, and get to answer the all important question. Have we taught them the power of love?

Parenting Makeover? Yes we Can!

2008-11-30T20:28:00.000-08:00

A recent study out of Scotland by Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk has suggested that infants who face away from their parents in strollers are less likely to talk, laugh and interact with others. It was a small experiment involving just twenty babies, but it brings to mind studies of infants raised in orphanages during the early 1900s who often died during their first year of life, or were severely retarded in their physical and mental growth. It was discovered that by hiring extra staff who had more time for holding and talking to the babies, death rates dropped and the infants had a chance to develop normally.
We know that all humans, adults included, need touch and interaction. Parenting conveniences today such as swings, hard bucket carriers, infant seats and strollers have taken the place of a parent’s arms. No one will argue that life is fast paced and people are expected to accomplish much in their day. With so many families needing two incomes, parents often arrive home exhausted, and a swing that comforts their little one while they cook dinner and clean the house can seem like a God send. But I think today’s parents are hostages, not only of an economy that leaves less time for family, but also of a society that once again demands that we keep our babies at arms length.
I had a call from a customer a few months ago who wanted a baby carrier, but one that wouldn’t interfere in the line of her jacket, because it was very important for her to have a polished, put together look. I was speechless. This young mother not only had to cope with her job and her young infant, but also society’s expectations of her as a “yummy mummy.” Anyone who watches television knows about the proliferation of shows that demand makeovers, whether its houses, wardrobes, or a person’s physical appearance. Well what about this: what if we demand a society makeover? I want a culture that insists on parents being allowed to take their babies to work, or at least have them close at hand. I want to experience a society that cares about the mental and emotional welfare of the family. I want to see parents encouraged to wear their babies and share the close physical contact that is necessary to all primates on the planet, including humans. A teddy bear is fine as a toy, but it’s no substitute for the warm touch of a parent. Hard plastic seats prove to not only deprive infants emotionally, but may also cause back problems for them in the future. Pediatricians, at least reputable ones, no longer counsel parents to leave a crying baby unattended. They know that this sends a message to the child that they might as well soothe themselves, because no one is coming to the rescue. Self soothing for adults can translate into drug, alcohol and sexual abuse, so what about if we just start meeting our infants needs, and our own instead? Let’s wear our babies. Let’s be a society that cares more about the feelings of our children than the label on our clothing. Let’s take what we know to be true and act on it.
So when you’ve had a hard day either at work or around the house, strap on your carrier and while you’re preparing dinner, tell your baby all about your day. When you’re shopping in the mall, wear your baby and talk about everything you’re seeing, or if they’re too old for a carrier, talk to them while you push them in the stroller. Ignore your cell phone, and let this part of your day be about the two of you. Believe me, when they’re sixteen and want to go to a party, you’re going to appreciate the connection.
Happy Trekking.

Breastfeeding in the BabyTrekker

2008-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my big sister Linda for writing this article. She is a La Leche League leader, a certified lacatation consultant, and, as we like to call her in our family, the "Grand Poobah" of breastfeeding information.

Nurturing your baby through breastfeeding is a natural way to meet both of your needs. Satisfying your baby’s hunger as soon as he shows hunger signs teaches him that the world is a safe place to live. Breasts are multi-purposeful , providing comfort, ease, distraction and attachment. Your body can provide comfort when she hurts, distraction when she’s fussy, ease when you need to get things done and she wants to be held, and increased bonding every time you hold her.

The babyTrekker was created by Judy, a busy mother who breastfed on the go right from the start. You may be wondering how to breastfeed in the Trekker. I know some of you have had experience with other carriers that don’t contain this possibility in their design.

I often start at the beginning. If I met you during your pregnancy, I would encourage you to get a doula (www.dona.com), which often helps to reduce birth interventions that may interfere with breastfeeding. Of course I share information about attending a LLL meeting (www.LLLI.org) or a local breastfeeding group so that you can see and hear some great suggestions for a wonderful start.

Next I would advocate for you to have your brand new baby placed skin to skin on your belly immediately after birth. If that’s not possible, skin to skin contact as soon as possible after the birth to help begin the hormonal and emotional connection between the two of you. Baby’s naked chest against yours will awaken your baby’s instinctual need to start moving towards his earliest place of comfort, your breast. Her little toes will dig in, her eyes and hands will search for the target, she’ll smell her hand which should still have some amniotic fluid on it which smells like your breastmilk. Often she’ll search with her hand to feel the bump of your nipple and she will bob, and move towards it. You can offer some guidance by placing your hand on his back or his bum. The baby who starts out this way often instinctually digs her chin into the breast, opens her mouth wide and latches on beautifully. Health professionals refer to this as an asymmetrical latch. http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/bla.html Ask for help if you need it from your health provider, a La Leche Leader www.LLLI.com or a lactation consultant www.ilca.org.

The babyTrekker is set up perfectly for comfortable nursing. To nurse on the right breast, loosen the left shoulder strap to bring your baby in a diagonal position with your baby’s nose opposite to your nipple. With the palm of your hand between baby’s shoulders, you can make sure the baby’s chest nestles against yours. Allow your baby’s head to tip back slightly, so her chin comes against your breast first. He can then grasp a good portion of the areola, and you don’t have to hold your breast. You may have a baby who gets her hand in the way, remember this is an instinctual move on the baby’s part, she’s smelling and feeling for your nipple. Let her bob forward or lunge onto your breast, it’s right there, free for a nibble and a nap.
Judy’s sister (also Canadian eh!
Babies are either he or she so I am alternating them to be inclusive.
babyTrekkers are also multi-purposeful, and these same reasons apply.

Crazy in Flin Flon, or, could I have some wine with my Whine?

2008-06-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

2008 could end up being my most challenging, exciting, frightening, and creative year ever. This year I decided to tweak the design of my babyTrekker carrier, and manufacture it here in Canada, in organic cotton. Well, why not add a few other products, like the stirrups that will be coming out at the end of June? Of course, that means new packaging to be designed, new tags, instructions, new photos, and so on. One doesn't realize that an idea is the edge of a toe on a long row of dominoes. Run with that idea, and everything spills over. Add to that Michelle's graduation from University in May, Mari-Anne's graduation from high school in June, her 18th birthday in early July,and Hilary's wedding in August and I think we can safely say that we have a full agenda for the next few months. But wait! Its also homecoming in Flin Flon, at the end of June. Lots of family are coming to town, as well as three or four thousand acquaintances. Of course, our community choir will be performing on the last night of the celebrations. I'm sure that I'm leaving something out, because it doesn't sound half as busy as we're all feeling.
The problem with being so busy is that each of these things is wonderful in and of itself, and deserves my full attention. Mari-Anne, our baby, is graduating! Thirteen years of "Get up, its time for school, have you done your homework, where is your science fair project!" are coming to a close, and I have to admit...its mostly a relief. There are precious memories involved here, even if its a little harder the third time around. We have (mostly) loved the Christmas and piano concerts, the soccer and basketball games, the birthday parties, sleepovers, and working well into the night on strange popsicle stick projects. We have faithfully attended parent teacher nights, and cheered ourselves hoarse at various events. We have read literally thousands of bedtime stories, in fact I think Hilary was 17 when I stopped reading to her at bedtime. Bedtime stories are my favorite memories of all.
So I want to focus on one thing at a time, if I may. I will leave Mari's birthday for July's blog, so there's one item off the list. I'll consign Hilary's wedding to the August blog, again, lightening up the page. Homecoming...well, its a wonderful thing, and once I clean my house, I'll be more than ready for my 400 relatives. But my life as the mother of a child at school is coming to a close, and that needs to be honored, and pondered over for a time. I'm feeling so... so... yeehaaaaaaa! No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers...well my husband is a teacher, and poor Mari has received a few dirty looks from both of us over the years. Yes, I have fond memories from all the years at Parkdale school, and then Hapnot High, but to never have to bug her again about her schoolwork! Well, we'll be so close now, it'll frighten the both of us. I know she'll move on to higher education, after a year of work and travel, but frankly, that will be her problem. Now, I know that the experts would tell me that it was always her problem, but that's not how it felt. Somehow, I always felt the weight of her essays and math exams far more than she did. Well, its over now, and I've passed. I think.
On June 25th, I will walk out of The Whitney Forum, (which, sadly, is where our ceremonies take place) and be all grown up. Yet without gray hair and a hump on my back. "Its all good", to quote my niece, Heather. So here's looking at you, Mari. Have a wonderful grad...we're behind you all the way...really. I won't say any more, because I'll be torturingyou in July's blog about your birthday.

Happy Graduation, Michelle!

2008-04-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a few days ago, writing about the change in weather, and the endings and beginnings involved as winter turns to spring. Then I realized, what I really wanted to talk about was my daughter, Michelle. She is graduating from university this May, and though she may continue her education at some point, this is both an ending and a beginning for her. She is 21 years old, and I couldn’t even picture this day when she was a young baby, unhappy with the world. My heart and mind were too filled with solving the problem of her distress. One babyTrekker design and 21 years of life later, I can really see the changes as her life has unfolded.
Michelle has always felt things deeply, and this continued when she got out of the “fussy” stage. When she was a baby, she was letting me know in the best way she could that all was not right in her world. How glad I am that I listened to her cries for help, and didn’t plop her in a crib and shut the door. What a message that would have sent.
I think vibrant is too mild a word for Michelle. She brings enthusiasm to everything she does, whether its sports, or schoolwork. She is open and honest about her feelings, and deals very directly with everybody. I’m so proud of the person that she has become and is becoming.
She plays an interesting and important role in our family. If you need straight talk, an honest opinion about an outfit, or a wider perspective, Michelle’s your girl. Her candor is never hurtful, though. She has a lot of wisdom for a girl her age.
One of my favorite things about Michelle is her independent spirit. She started undressing herself around 8 months old, and by the time she turned two, she was dressing herself completely, and picking out her own outfits. She had strong opinions, and though we clashed from time to time, I got a kick out of the way she expressed herself. My two favorite things she said when she was four are, “Are we real, or just a dream in God’s head?” and “That damn government” on finding out that the parade of lights was cancelled. That last part was definitely shades of her grandfather!
I’m celebrating you, Michelle, in the month of April. I’m so proud of all your achievements, and the wonderful person that you are. As I watch your life unfold, I know there are wonderful things waiting for you. Your dad and I feel blessed to have you for a daughter. Happy Graduation honey!

Raise your baby to be a great teenager

2008-03-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had the privilege of watching my youngest daughter Mari’s basketball team win their zone championship, and a spot in the upcoming provincial games. I watched her face as the buzzer went to signal the end of the game, and it was lit with such pure joy that it became one of those pleasure/pain moments that fill you up and catch in your throat at the same time. The team rushed together with hugs and cheers, and it was beautiful to watch.
These are the moments that you can’t imagine when you’re slogging through another day with a fussy baby. I remember when Mari was born, and we realized that though not as unhappy as Michelle had been (an 8 on the Richter scale) she still had things to work out before she was content to be in the world. I carried her daily in the babyTrekker, and nightly too, for that matter, if you count the late evenings. My husband would spell me off, and take Mari for long walks in the woods near our house, while I put our two other daughters to bed. She was a dear baby, a quirky, fun toddler, and is a calm and (mostly) restful teenager. Like her sisters, she is very athletic, and seems to excel at all sports. This is a cause of awe and puzzlement to me, since I was the child who was picked last for dodge ball (or any ball, for that matter.) I confess… I relish this part of my children’s life; that they experience so much joy from their participation in team sports. I also live vicariously through Mari during her games, as all athletically challenged parents do when their child surprises them with a natural ability. I draw the line at screaming at refs, though.
Lately I’ve been making the connection between how we relate to our teenagers in comparison to how we related to them as infants. Though we’ve had our eye rolling moments, and “you totally don’t trust me” times, I feel blessed to be with my children, and enjoy their company so much. I know that feeling is reciprocated, and it feels like a benediction. I tell my customers, “go ahead and wear your baby all day…it won’t spoil them! Share sleep…nurse for as long as you want to, and don’t let anyone say when but you and your baby. Do anything that creates that strong invisible cord between you that won’t be cut by age, or attitude, or even distance. By letting your heart be the road map of your relationship, you’re telling your baby every day, “I trust you, and I’m listening to you. I hear you.” And the teenager remembers.
All those moments our family has shared…from camping with three week old Mari and two children with rampant diarrhea, to reading Harry Potter together way past midnight, to water sliding in the backyard, to first parties, and first boyfriends and onward. These are the moments you don’t think about when they are babies, but they come, and the cord of trust that you develop with your infant still connects you to your teenager. And interestingly enough, the stronger the bond, the easier it is for them to make their way in the world. It’s like math: love + trust = independence. You trust your infant to teach you how to parent, and your children trust you because you are there for them. And then they see the world as a place where anything is possible.