That's a Good Thing

One of the trickier parts of being a parent is learning when to hold on, and when to let go. After using the babyTrekker every single day for over a year, the time came when my youngest, one year old Mari,wanted to walk everywhere. She'd point at the ground, or she'd look in my eyes, taking my face in her hands as if to say, listen to me. And at that moment, I really didn't want to.

If you are a parent like me who does everything in a hurry, this stage is a hard one. During the slow strolls down to the park, walking at a snails pace behind her, I felt like this tiny blonde child had become my own personal dictator. Mari absolutely loved being in the babyTrekker. She spent hours a day there while I worked on my business, cleaned the house and went on outings with the family. I'd designed the babyTrekker just for the purpose. And here she was, slowing me down, almost halting me in my tracks. She had a way of looking back at me, a little grin that seemed to tell me I'd be okay. I'd get through this stage just fine. And I did, of course. I learned to live in the moment, (which Oprah later told me is a good thing.) After a few weeks, Mari was happy to go in the babyTrekker again, though she preferred to play independently inside the house, most of the time. And here (again with Oprah!) was my big aha moment.

By listening to my baby, I learned some things along the way. Like the fact that slowing down was actually good for me. And that respecting Mari as an individual who knew what she needed would prepare me for all the changes that would come as our children grew up. It translates well to moments when your pre-teen gives you 'the look.' Parents of teenagers, please smile knowingly.

The first times it happens is a shock because, let's face it. For at least the first eight years of their childhood, mom and dad are the most important people in the world. 'The look' is their way of saying, 'Put me down. I can walk by myself.'

This is especially true for 'mother knows best' types like me. We need to raise children who are independent, for both our sakes. Oprah also used to say, that we should believe what people tell us about themselves. This is especially true of our children. Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean that you quietly whisper 'alright' when your two year old wants to tour the neighborhood alone and naked (Mari) or that your fifteen year old has your approval on all her decisions. Hearing them is a completely different thing.

Sometimes they may not be proclaiming their independence. Sometimes what they really want is for someone to hold them tight, to let them know that our love is unconditional. When we send them that message, what we're really saying is 'you're good to go.' And if we've listened carefully over the years and they know that they've been heard, then that's what they do.