Comfort, Simplicity and Safety

If you feel bombarded by baby wearing information, you are not alone. The many options on the market today can make it hard to choose. Obviously, I have some bias in this regard, but let me present my case for the babyTrekker.

I designed the carrier in 1987 for my second daughter, Michelle, who was just a few months old. My goal was to create one that would be comfortable for both of us, safe for her, and capable of multiple positions. In the babyTrekker we could nurse, go backpacking and clean the whole house together. My husband and I carried Michelle and our next daughter, Mari, well into toddlerhood. Our oldest daughter, Hilary, now uses it for her children, Claire and Charlotte, who are featured on our home page.

There is so much information about 'correct' baby wearing. A number of years ago a popular sling company suggested that infants needed to lie down in order to develop properly, to avoid subluxations of the spine.That idea was put to rest by the fact that its easier for them to breath when they're upright and not enfolded too deeply in the fabric. There is still a place for slings as long as babies sit high in them, though its important that their legs be separated.

The next stumbling block for parents was the idea that infants should never face away in a carrier. Babies, according to some, become overstimulated and have no way of escaping the stimulus. Parents of infants who love to face out have been discounted as being uneducated or uninformed. This year, the Ergo baby carrier acknowledged what the rest of us have known for a while. Some babies like to see what's going on. This does not mean that they don't need lots of cuddling and eye contact with mom and dad. My middle daughter was one of the babies who liked a bit of a view. At twenty-seven, she is outgoing, gregarious and loves to be right in the middle of things.

Being a new parent in this day and age is hard, in spite of all the modern conveniences. Instant information via the internet leaves many of us feeling as if danger is all around. That this is untrue doesn't matter. It creates a state of anxiety that is impossible to quell, given the bombardment of conflicting information.

Here is what I know to be true. There are no carriers on the market that are going to 'cause' your baby to have hip dyslplasia, as long as they're legs are separated sufficiently and they are seated in a comfortable position. Ask any orthopedic pediatric surgeon and she'll tell you this is so. She'll tell you not to swaddle your baby with their legs together, a practice that may harm babies who are vulnerable to this condition. Many women of my generation have arthritis in their hips and often need joint replacements. None that I know of were worn in carriers. But we were all swaddled for months.

Let common sense reign. The babyTrekker has some advantages for both parent and baby. There is no infant insert needed, which means the carrier is easier to put on and much cooler as well, since the sides are well ventilated. The newborn sits in the u-shaped seat with their legs elevated against the wearer's stomach. The spread is wide but not uncomfortably so. Once the baby is three months old or so, they can face out and still experience the support of a deep seat.

Parents benefit from the wide shoulder straps and waistband which hold the baby in position while supporting the wearer's back and shoulders. The variety of positions offers lots of alternatives. Please feel free to write to me at judy@babytrekker.com if you'd like more in depth information. Happy Trekking!

Love Letter

Today, I received a beautiful letter from a customer. Because we've been in business since 1989, I've received quite a few over the years. These messages are so validating. They carry me forward, much like a parent with a baby in the Trekker. This message is from Nichola Hamilton. I'm sure you'll be as full of admiration for her as I. She's quite a mother. Here is what she said:

Eleven years ago, my son was born, I had been in a car accident and hurt my back and neck. The weight-lifting belt style on the babyTrekker was awsome!  My son and I loved keeping up with his siblings while my arms were free to function and my body was able to cope.  Four years later my daughter was born and again the Trekker was my favorite baby item.  She was a very, very sick baby who had to be held constantly.

  She had to have brain surgery.  She lived in the trekker twenty hours a day, from birth to the age of three. It kept her upright to heal and allowed us the comfort of feeling her heartbeat and warm breath so close.  By the time she was age 3, she was still unable to physically keep up with our active family. The trekker was so portable, it was easy to unfold it and put her on my back.  Not sure how we would have survived the years without your unique design.  I would have had major back, shoulder or neck injuries from lugging her around always!  Not sure how many people I have told to google this item but perhaps I should have had shares in the company! 

 During the years we have traveled and with no metal in the design I was able to keep all my kids under control even at airport security and while going through customs. I have had foster babies, nieces and nephews, neighbor's kids in the carrier. Now, we are gearing for the surprise due in June.  I so love my Baby Trekker. It has not only saved my body but also allowed the family to play together easily.  I am convinced it  had much to do with my daughter's full recovery. I used to walk through the children's hospital with one kid in the blue trekker on my front and the other in the green one on my back, the older two holding each hand as we completed our rounds..Talk about a true advertisement for a liberated Mom, getting it together in times where the hands God gave me weren't enough.  Thank you! Did I mention how awesome it was to be able to machine wash it without having to unscrew, unplug or unsnap every edge?  Loved it!  Love it! Excited for the new baby to enjoy it too!!!!!

Thank you, Nichola, for your enthusiasm. Thanks to all our many customers who have written over the years and shared their parenting stories.  I"m inspired by each of you every single day.

Growing Up To Be Parents

My fall back position as a grandmother is that my grandchild can do no wrong.  She's two years old but shares a startling similarity to many teenagers I've known. The idea doesn't make me draw back in horror, because I find that group of kids similarly loveable.  A child of two is stubborn, its true.  She's extremely focused on winning whatever argument she's engaged in at the moment, and drama can ensue when she's thwarted.  Parents must be at their most cunning to derail a temper tantrum before it even starts.  Once it does, the child can occasionally be bribed, jollied, or consoled out of it.  Unless they're tired.  Then its just a lose, lose proposition.  The only cure is sleep, and no child, even a  two year old, wants to hear that they're 'just tired.' Especially when its true.

Raising a two year requires tact and self discipline, just as it does with a teenager.  This is not always an easy proposition, since parents tend to feel less than tactful when dealing with  red faced, bad tempered offspring who are shouting out 'poopy face' or whatever the four year old next door has taught them.  This is especially true with teenagers.  Many of us feel like throwing a temper tantrum of our own, forgetting everything we ever learned from our own parents.  We want a gladiator style smack down.  The weapon might be a raised voice, a lot of finger pointing or possibly a stamped foot or two.   And I'm not talking about the kids.

Whatever your outside job is, nothing will ever be as frustrating or cause as much hair pulling as bringing up a kid.  If you're reading this and feeling a certain smugness, wait a while.  All parents pay their dues at some time or another.  Those of us who pay early may get off a little easier.  A two year old that likes to let off some steam may cut you some slack once they're in their teens.  That has been my experience.  But how you handle your toddler can make a big difference.  We as parents are always the role model, showing our child how to behave in the world.  When we're calm, then they internalize the message that in spite of their wild and out of control feelings, they're safe.  When we offer kind words during hard times, they learn empathy.

There are times when a parent feels like a little duct tape would not be a bad tool.  Feel the feeling and get over it, because the day will come when you are the one having the hard time.  The time will come when your roles will reverse, and it will be your child wiping your face, helping you as you struggle with all the demands and  indignities of old age.  Gentleness breeds gentleness.  All the virtues reproduce, as do the less desirable characteristics.   This spring, plant a good crop in the garden of your child's life.  You're going to really appreciate all your hard work at harvest time.

Spending Childhood in 3-D

Next month I'll talk about the babyTrekker carrier, as usual.  I'll pass on some tips, and share stories.   This month, I want to tell you a little about what is happening with other people's children around the world.   Unicef estimates that 126 million child labourers are involved in work that is Dirty, Dangerous and Degrading.  In fact, children represent over half of the people being trafficked around the world.  For every child sold into prostitution, another nine are forced to work in factories, sweatshops, farms and boats.

Child slavery is the consequence of poverty, powerlessness, and discrimination.  These little ones are preyed on by people who give them or their parents false promises for better lives and decent working conditions.  Once tricked into working for nothing, they suffer from poor health and a complete lack of care or interest in their condition.  They're subjected to long hours of labour for no pay.  Many are unable to escape this life.  Even as I write this, there are child slaves dying who have never experienced a normal childhood.

You and I have a role to play in helping child victims.  We can ask our own government to step in.  We can insist that large corporations to pay attention to this issue.  We need to  shine a spotlight on the welfare of these children.  For that reason, World Vision is running a 'Help Wanted' campaign, and everyone that signs up becomes another voice speaking for the helpless.

Please sign the pledge on the page by copying and pasting the link below..  It is possible to change the world for these children.  It's possible to make sure they get health care, an education and a future.  Every person who holds their little one in a baby carrier gives them the sense that they are loved and cared for and safe.  Let us hold these desparate children in our hearts, and help them with our actions.  For more information, go to www.endchildslavery.ca   To sign the petition, go to:

http://voices.worldvision.ca/help_wanted

Be part of the solution.  Sign the petition and give some thought to sponsoring a child through World Vision. We can change their future if we care enough.   

Looks Like We Made It

Something happens to me in the spring. When the sun decides to stick around for more than eight hours a day, I get a little giddy. I'm not the only Northern Canadian who feels this way, I know. The longer days, the warming sun and melting snow offer up a promise to all of us hardy folk who live with enormous cold and too much darkness. Life will be easier now, the changing weather says. I'm not sure why this is so, because gardening season offers up a few challenges of its own. It becomes a full time job getting the seeds in the ground, planting annuals in all the beds and pots. Still, it feels like a holiday. Even though the winter offers fun of its own, it becomes a bit of an endurance test once January is over.

It must be wonderful living somewhere like Hawaii, where the seasons never change. Your wardrobe would be a lot smaller, for one thing, once you eliminate all the boots, heavy coats, long underwear, toques, mitts and more. Your outdoor equipment would take less room in the garage. Heck, you wouldn't even need a garage! It must be amazing. On the other hand...

There is a certain joy that comes with the changing seasons. The high of spring's arrival can't be beat. Walking down the dusty streets, watching the streams of water pour into the gutters as the snow melts makes me want to make popsicles and eat supper in the garden. I just feel so optimisitic. The trees send out tiny buds, just a few at first, because sometimes we get those freak storms and northern trees can't help being a little cynical. The people are the same, so we wait, just a little, before we stow away the boots and pack away the winter clothes. And then the time comes when we know that spring is really here. And its not going away. The weather will continue to warm, the sky to brighten as the sound of children playing fills the evening air.

Our new babyTrekker colours of sweet potato, chili pepper and kiwi lime are a homage to the spirit of spring. That's not to say that they won't brighten the darkest winter days, because they will. They are warm, friendly, and fabulously neutral. They go with everything and are slimming to the body, as our testing parents have discovered. Don't shy away from fun...embrace the warmth. Have a wonderful spring. Pop baby in the Trekker, and start working in the yard. The best is yet to come.

Love Story

February is the month for stories of the heart. If you’ve ever set sail on the ship of love, you’ll recall the intensity, the pain and the wonder of it all. Yet ask any new parent about first holding their newborn, and they will tell you of a connection so deep, it makes everything else pale in comparison. And so nature planned it.

Why else would we willingly deprive ourselves of free time for the next decade, face an avalanche of poopy diapers, or walk the floor at 3 in the morning while singing old Barry Manilow tunes, which is the only thing your tired brain can produce and which strangely enough seems to help. This is truly God and biology at work. It amazes me even now how those tiny dictators have us hopping to attention, all the while keeping a firm grip on our hearts.

And how does this explain that other love story; the grandparent? Just when the kids have left home, the dog has gone to doggy heaven, and retirement looms like a sweet promise on the horizon, along comes the first grandchild. Even if a parent is unprepared, and the grandparents are in shock, still, a new chapter in the book of love is written. And this one is a blockbuster. Plans fly out the window in the face of this new being. Grandparents are as helpless as parents in resisting this tiny force of nature. I hear grandparents say all the time, “You enjoy them, and then you send them home.”

But they don’t! The grandparents that I know, including my own parents and in-laws, give up many weekends to care for their grandchildren, and most seem happy to do it. It’s like an angel appeared with a trumpet and shouted, “Let the endless giving of time, love, and energy begin again!” But that's not how it feels, because love never drains your batteries. It charges you up instead.

I remember when our oldest was a year old, and she threw up in the middle of the night. I immediately called my parents, who came running over (though my mother is a nurse and should have known better.) We all watched over Hilary like she was a time bomb ready to go off, and when she simply fell asleep on the living room floor, we all breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close one.” No, it really wasn’t. And of course, it happened time and again, though we all learned to panic less often. The love was there, always, and the time given, with my mother taking turns walking the floor with her 16 grandchildren, and even traveling with my sister to conferences, walking around cities wearing her grandsons in the babyTrekker. When I was feeling overwhelmed, my parents and in-laws would come over and hold my babies while I did housework.

Love signs us up; we have no choice in the matter. So this February, which many consider the month of love, I salute and give thanks for grandparents, who give their hearts over and over again, along with their time, energy, and money passed under the table to grandchildren.

Best Year Ever

2012. Two thousand twelve. It doesn't matter how I write it, I love the look and sound of the new year. Never mind the Mayans or anyone else who has a bad word to say about it. I have a good feeling about this one. For the first time ever, I've been able to write cheques and letters without putting the wrong year down.

I've got my resolutions in order, both personal and business. This year, we'll celebrate our 23rd year in business. That's a lot of babyTrekkers. Thanks to all our former and present customers for your letters, photos and funny stories. I've been blessed by all of you. There is something wonderful about having a business that connects a person to others around the planet. I love that fact that people on every continent have worn and loved the babyTrekker. For those of you unfamiliar with our Canadian carrier, let me give you a few facts.

The babyTrekkers are made with love and care, one at a time. We purchase our organic cotton through an American company, use American made buckles and foam. Everything else, including the manufacturing, comes from Canada. We pay attention to the details, and we like to get things right. If we don't, we make it right for our customers who somehow, over the years, have come to feel like old friends.

This is the year that I celebrate you, the customer. I salute you, my friends, for undertaking the precious, overwhelming and ongoing task of parenting. I honor your quest to be the best mom and dad you can be, and for making a place for the babyTrekker in your family's story. I pray that this is the best year ever, for you, for me, for all of us who share this amazing planet. God bless you all and have a great 2012.

But We're Really Selling Steak

Those of you fortunate enough to live in Canada, (smile) may be familiar with a CBC radio program called Q. I'm in love with the host, Jian Gomeshi, and I can safely say that since my husband almost never reads my blog. There's something alternately sexy and soothing about his voice. I'm not the only one who thinks so. I've heard movie stars and rock bands gush endlessly about it. I could go on and on, (I love you, Jian. Passionately!) but that's not really what this blog is about.
Last week, he interviewed a guest that was promoting his own book on advertising. I can't remember the name, or the title of the book, but it was about the art of wooing, and perhaps deceiving the customer. From a warm vanilla fragrance in a men's store to Justin Beiber's song choices, it was all about the sizzle of the sell. It got me thinking.

I've been in business since 1989. I've placed a lot of ads from then until now, though my favorite is still the first one, where I posed the question, 'Do you have a rendezvous with destiny, or are you just trying to make it through the day?' I had no focus group, except my five sisters and one brother, so I just went with it. I wanted to reach the parents that were like me, living on the edge, trying to survive a fussy baby and retain a form of sanity at the same time. Some may question my first brochure that boldly proclaimed 'The best baby carrier in the world.' It was my husband's idea, and I freely blame him now that I've seen the show Elf. Will Farrell goes into a coffee shop and says to the immigrant owners, "You've done it! Wow, congratulations! You have the best coffee in the world!" This, after seeing it on the front of the shop.' It never occurred to me that we were setting ourselves up to be mocked by Will Farrell. (though it would be very good advertising.) We figured, why not just tell the truth, as we see it? So we did.

In the early nineties, we sold a combination purse/backpack for busy mothers. The slogan we used was 'ashamed to be seen with the old bag?' Later, this was pointed out to me as being extremely sexist towards women, so we didn't use it anymore. To equal things up, I could have changed it to 'old bugger,' but then it wouldn't have made sense.

My favorite ad ever was made into a poster for the stores that sold our product. Vin Diesel had just worn the babyTrekker in the movie 'The Pacifier.' We got a poster from the movie, added the words "The babyTrekker available here, Vin Diesel not included, and sent them out. The stores and customers loved them. Later, we realized that Disney had actually not given their permission, so we took them down. My apologies to both Vin Diesel and the rich people who own Disney studios. And thanks for using our carrier.

My next favorite ads were made in 2007, which we called 'The Year of the Bond.' One of them is on the homepage at www.babytrekker.com right now. The caption was 'The only girl invited to boy's night out.' It featured a local pharmacist, Cory, and his second baby daughter. There was a number of friends there, and I think it was the Grey Cup football game that they were watching. It was such a fun shoot, and the baby loved the attention. She also loved the game, as you can see from our poster. We did two other ones of another friend, Chad Plamondon, at the laundry mat with his baby Isobel. The caption was 'Does laundry, Loves to Dance.' His wife Cara kept saying, 'and he does!' Our other one was the same guys from the first poster with my friend Jenna's baby held by yet another pharmacist, Dennis Fancy. The guys are playing poker, and the slogan was 'You gotta know when to hold 'em.' Not all the stores put the last one up, figuring it promoted gambling. Not.

Presently, we have no advertising budget. Our carriers are made in Canada, so that explains that, ( since you probably know about the high cost of absolutely everything.) However, I am encouraged by another form of advertising called 'word of mouth.' Because, no matter how much fun we have with our ads, nothing has ever been as successful for us as the enthusiasm, cajoling and outright preaching of our babyTrekker customers. I even had an order from a woman who was about to buy a carrier in Walmart when she was hauled out to the car of a complete stranger so that she could try on the woman's babyTrekker. Now that's what I call commitment. Thank you, dear babyTrekker customers. Many of you have returned so many times and purchased so many carriers for others, that you feel like a friend. So, Judith Vogel of New York, New York, I wasn't kidding, the last time we spoke. I really am going to come for tea some day soon.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do when you're writing a blog or raising a child is to come up with new ideas. As a writer, I find that the well occasionally runs dry. But it has never panicked me as much as it did when raising my babies. Sometimes the littlest things would become so big in my mind.

My first daughter Hilary was disinterested in solid foods. (This was not the first thing I stressed over.) She was nine months old, still nursing, and couldn't care less about trying anything else. I didn't bother her with that cardboard tasting food that they used to call pablum, or with rice cereal. Instead, I made small tasty meals that were baby sized and safe from all possible choking hazards. I tried feeding her in the high chair, in my lap, in my husbands lap and everywhere that a baby almost into toddler hood would consider interesting. But there was nothing I could do. And then one day, at around nine and a half months, she just started to eat. She wanted regular food like my husband and I were eating, but very mashed up. And it was really no big deal, after all. For a couple of days I felt like sending out proclamations to the newspapers, my own personal tidings of great joy. After a few more days, it came to seem like no big deal.

That's the way it is almost all the time, I realized. You sweat about so many things and then they just happen anyway. The lesson for me was to trust nature and my own child's instincts. Our next child, Michelle, didn't get teeth until she was around a year old. She started eating solids around seven months and had no more problems with it than any other baby. She loved to eat and enjoyed a lot of texture, so things couldn't be too mushy for her.

My third daughter Mari is the one that I really need to hang my head in shame over, regarding her introduction to solid foods. It happened shortly before she was six months old. Based on my other children's experiences, I wasn't worrying about introducing solids at all. I was out for dinner with my sisters, and Mari was parked in a high chair at my side. She had really good muscle control and had been sitting up for a while. We'd passed her around the table and everybody had held her, but it was time for us to eat. The toys I gave her weren't making her happy, so I took a piece of garlic bread from the basket and gave it to her to suck on. (My head hangs in shame as I write) It was crazy, because she could have choked, and really, all that butter couldn't have been good for her. But she was really happy, her face all shiny, wearing big gummy smile. We ate in peace. She started eating solids legitimately, just a few weeks later. Would I make that choice again? Absolutely not. And yet, it all seems to have worked out.

Things have a way of doing that, so there's no point making a big deal out of small problems. Because there's lots of parenting stress ahead and its no use making stuff up, unnecessarily. Try to enjoy the ride, and don't look over your shoulder too much at the mistakes you've made. There's more ahead of you, I promise. Happy parenting.

That's a Good Thing

One of the trickier parts of being a parent is learning when to hold on, and when to let go. After using the babyTrekker every single day for over a year, the time came when my youngest, one year old Mari,wanted to walk everywhere. She'd point at the ground, or she'd look in my eyes, taking my face in her hands as if to say, listen to me. And at that moment, I really didn't want to.

If you are a parent like me who does everything in a hurry, this stage is a hard one. During the slow strolls down to the park, walking at a snails pace behind her, I felt like this tiny blonde child had become my own personal dictator. Mari absolutely loved being in the babyTrekker. She spent hours a day there while I worked on my business, cleaned the house and went on outings with the family. I'd designed the babyTrekker just for the purpose. And here she was, slowing me down, almost halting me in my tracks. She had a way of looking back at me, a little grin that seemed to tell me I'd be okay. I'd get through this stage just fine. And I did, of course. I learned to live in the moment, (which Oprah later told me is a good thing.) After a few weeks, Mari was happy to go in the babyTrekker again, though she preferred to play independently inside the house, most of the time. And here (again with Oprah!) was my big aha moment.

By listening to my baby, I learned some things along the way. Like the fact that slowing down was actually good for me. And that respecting Mari as an individual who knew what she needed would prepare me for all the changes that would come as our children grew up. It translates well to moments when your pre-teen gives you 'the look.' Parents of teenagers, please smile knowingly.

The first times it happens is a shock because, let's face it. For at least the first eight years of their childhood, mom and dad are the most important people in the world. 'The look' is their way of saying, 'Put me down. I can walk by myself.'

This is especially true for 'mother knows best' types like me. We need to raise children who are independent, for both our sakes. Oprah also used to say, that we should believe what people tell us about themselves. This is especially true of our children. Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean that you quietly whisper 'alright' when your two year old wants to tour the neighborhood alone and naked (Mari) or that your fifteen year old has your approval on all her decisions. Hearing them is a completely different thing.

Sometimes they may not be proclaiming their independence. Sometimes what they really want is for someone to hold them tight, to let them know that our love is unconditional. When we send them that message, what we're really saying is 'you're good to go.' And if we've listened carefully over the years and they know that they've been heard, then that's what they do.

Holding On For Dear Life

On Sunday, my dad turned eighty-six years old. We held a small family party for him at our house, which is a little trickier than it used to be, because he can't walk. We had dinner in the garden, rolling his chair down the brick path and right up to the table. It was a treat for all of us, because we usually have to visit him at the nursing home where he lives.

It's hard for me to imagine that a time will come when dad won't be here anymore. We're just so comfortable together. We hug and kiss each other goodbye every single day. Even the switch in our roles has been an easy, if poignant, transition. Many of the things that my father used to do for me as a child, I now do for him. I'll brush his hair, or wash his face with a warm cloth. I'll fetch him a sweater, or put his shoes on him. He's okay with it, too. We're in such a smooth routine, it almost allows me to deny the fact that someday, I'll have to let him go. It makes me want to hold onto him for dear life.

But life is all about letting go. From the time our children start to walk, they begin to proclaim their independence. After a few months of tottering around on shaky legs, all they want to do is to explore their world. They alternate between pushing you away and then clinging to you as if the house was on fire. It can make your head spin, this back and forthness of their growing up.

We are all, both young and old, in a constant state of change. It's not a comfortable thought for someone like me who doesn't enjoy transitions. But there is one way to make life stand still for a moment. And that is to just stop right in the middle of whatever you're doing, and look around you. Pay attention to what's happening, and realize that this is your life moving along, small moment by small moment.

Whether you're just growing up or busy raising children, it can feel like it's taking forever. But one day, you look back, and it seems that it only took about five minutes. And if we're lucky, we realize that all the little moments in our lives, like sitting around the supper table on a warm summer night, or helping a tired child get ready for bed, were the ones that were the most important in the end. And then it doesn't matter what you grew up to be, or if your child is a good athlete, or is terrible in math. What counts is that you have a precious chain of many moments, where you were fully aware that they were, and are, the blessings that make up a life.

When Nothing is Going the Right Way

It's inevitable. There will come a time when you, the parent, will have a dark aha moment that slaps you right in the face. Secretly, you've known it all along. The truth is that sometimes there is no solution for your parenting problem. 'Dr. Do Right' has given you a multitude of solutions in his book, "How to Be the Perfect Parent Every Time." 'Nanny Knows It All' has demonstrated every stragetic move on her television show, "Loving Parent, Perfect Child."

And yet. Nothing that you've read or seen has helped your: biting toddler, screaming toddler, nursing all night baby/toddler who won't go to bed, train, stay dressed, get dressed... Well. You get the picture. The moment of truth usually dawns when dawn is, in fact, hours away. You lie there in the dark, feeling like a complete failure and wondering why everyone else seems to find parenting so easy.

The real truth is that no one finds it easy. There comes a time in everyone's life when the well of parenting wisdom runs dry. But here's the thing. As you lay curled in a weeping,sodden mess, huddling in the corner of your room and contemplating the disaster of your life, you need to realize something. Sometimes, you just have to wait. Ignore it. Forget about it. Pretend that it will all work out. Because that is the real truth. It will work out. Children grow up. Parents learn to accept the fact that life, like their little ones, is not perfect.

There are so many ways to do things right. Like sleeping together in the family bed. Or having baby in the co sleeper. Or in the (gasp!) crib placed in another room. Toddlers might toilet train at the age of two. Or four. Some kids might have a difficult time right into the school years. But eventually, they grow up.

There is one thing that will ensure long term success in your parenting efforts. Toni Morrison, the writer, nailed it when she asked Oprah's audience, "Does your face light up when your child walks in the room?" Because our faces tell our children the story of who they are every single day. And it should have nothing to do when they started pooping in the potty, or sleeping through the night. It shouldn't have anything to do with their report cards, or how they stack up against the other kids in soccer.

Does your face light up when they walk in the room? Do they see their bright, shiny, starry beloved selves reflected in your eyes? If they do, then here is the good news. You will see your bright and shiny self glowing right back. And you'll know that even when nothing seemed to be moving in the right direction, you were going that way all along.

Avoidance Behavior at its Best

A unique situation that verges on a strange type of illness flares up within me every summer (at least, since I've become an adult.) It started long before I had children, though having babies definitely made the symptoms a little worse. Starting in mid spring I begin to feel overwhelmed by the approach of summer. Most of my friends and neighbors long for this, their favorite season. They can't wait to lie out on the patio, a cool drink in hand, a book or magazine flopped to one side of the chair as they gaze lazily at the sky. This image gives me nightmares, frankly, which tend to start right around the end of May. Why? you may ask with honest astonishment. Because the summer creates in me a fierce need to do absolutely everything. I must have a wonderful garden, an incredible vacation, maximum time with family, freshly painted items and/or fabulous garage sale nick nacks arranged artfully around the yard. If I'm not on high alert, having the best time of my frantic life, then I feel that I'm wasting the precious few months of warm weather.

I have learned some calming techniques, but the best one came along with the babyTrekker. When in doubt about what to do, go for a walk. Don't think about the messy house, the unweeded garden, the new plants languishing in their pots. Strap that baby on and head outside. If its raining, invest in one of those $2.00 plastic ponchos, cut the front low enough for the baby, and head into the rain. Walk briskly and inhale deeply. Wonderful things will start to happen in your brain. Endorphins begin their happy dance and sanity returns, allowing perspective on EVERYTHING. Because there is no agenda, or chaos, or reason to feel anxious on that beautiful/rainy/snowy day. This life is a gift, and nature has tied it up for us in beautiful ribbons of greenery and sunshine, of bees and butterflies. John Lennon said that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. It also happens when you're busy being stressed out about unimportant things. Easy for a parent to do. So let it go, and don't force yourself to make one more decision. When life feels sour and demanding, head outside and get moving. Mother nature is waiting with open arms and no expectations at all.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Claire

I can't believe it. On May 14th, it will be a year since you came into my world. Let's forget for a moment about the minor players in this drama, like your mom and dad, and focus on the important characters: Grandpa and me. I should say, Coach and ______ because I have yet to be named. My husband decided to name himself and his children all agree that the moniker fits.

I am content to be Grandma, but no. Apparently, the name will be come to you, just as my mother's nickname, 'Mimi' came to your mom when she was a year old. The name has lasted through sixteen grandchildren and 27 plus years. It was a great fit. Your mama, Hilary, desperately wants "Mee Maw" for me, but then, she has a sly sense of humor. (I apologize to all the Mee Maws out there, but it just doesn't feel right.) I think that I'll wait for my official title. When it comes from you, Claire, I know it will be perfect.

Now that you're turning one, things are going to change a little. Many of your biggest fans will stop saying how wonderful it is that you're still nursing. Some will ask, "when is she going to wean?" Others will just stare disapprovingly. I'm with you, Claire, whatever you decide. Of course, I'm in the race for favorite grandparent, so that is to be expected.

Diaper changes might be a little different, now that you're passing this important milestone. Instead of having your chubby feet kissed and your belly rubbed, you may overhear your parents arguing, "You do it, No you do it." Grandma would fill in happily, just to spend time with you.

You may overhear remarks from rude people about your slightly curly, eighties style mullet. You totally rock that look, Claire. Wear it proudly. Remember that to Grandma and the Coach, you are the most beautiful little girl that ever wobbled on two feet. Don't be discouraged when the minute you accomplish something wonderful, like learning to walk, complete strangers start asking if you're 'trained.' Ignore them. Also ignore the worried looks on your parent's faces when they hear those words. You'll see those expressions every now and again, over things that aren't very important. Parents don't realize it at the time, though. Just grandparents do.

Have a wonderful first birthday, Claire Margaret Faktor. I'm sorry I can't be there with you in Calgary, but I'll see you soon. You'll know me when you see me. I'll be the one with the goofy smile and the outstretched arms.

Taking Care of the Mother

Nobody works harder than a mother. Nobody. I know that there are fathers out there juggling work and family, trying to put food on the table, while, well, putting food on the table. But in my experience, most of the in depth, intricate dance of managing self, family, partner and work is done by women.

I guess that's why we call our little blue planet Mother Earth. Because nobody works harder than her. And her kids? They're always fighting, making big messes and not cleaning up after themselves. We (her offspring) will not even allow her time to fix herself up. We're too busy buying things and throwing them out to make room for more. Not that there's a lot of room left. The pile of our discards is growing by leaps and bounds...just check the floating island of plastic in the Pacific Ocean. We see ourselves as responsible and well deserving consumers. We forget about the affect of all that accumulation.

Imagine everyone on the planet with their own cell phone. That would be almost seven billion units. Now imagine that they get changed every three years because the plan allows an upgrade. That's the kind of mess that could push a Mother over the edge. And when you add in everything else that we buy...

Maybe its time to take care of the Mother for a change. On Earth day, or any other, make a decision to cut back on frivolous spending. Tidy things up a little by taking a walk and picking up litter. Boycott corporations who treat the Mother badly. Let them know you're doing it.

Our Mother has worked hard enough. Its time for all her kids to grow up. And let's start by showing a little gratitude.

When Nothing is Going Right

If you're a mom with young children, a bad day often starts with a lousy sleep. Or no sleep at all. Whether the baby is teething or the kids have thrown up all over your bed,the outcome is usually the same. The dominoes start to fall. You can't get anything done. Everyone is cranky. Your throat is sore, the laundry's piling up, and its snowing/raining/storming. You start to question the meaning of your life. How did I end up here? Why did I move here, buy this house, marry this man? (Just kidding, honey.) It's very easy to get down on yourself, on those no good, very bad days.

The solution that I came up with when my children were young still works for me today. (Sadly, women continue to have bad days from time to time, even when their children are grown. I know! It sucks.) The thing is, I have to remind myself that it works. Here it is. Unless the weather is so cold that skin will freeze in under thirty seconds, go outside. Bundle the baby, the kids and yourself up warmly, especially if you're not feeling well. Grab your baby Trekker and/or the sleigh, and go for a brisk walk. Even if its just ten minutes, it will change the direction of your day. It works even better if you can drop in on someone, but that's not always an option.

I don't know why, but there is something about dragging yourself and the kids around in really bad weather that makes your house feel like a haven, instead of a prison. Going out for a car ride is okay, but it doesn't work quite as well. Probably because you just end up shopping and then everyone has even more reason to be tired and cranky. But ten to twenty minutes of cold/wet air blasting your face, well. It just seems to hit the spot.

If today is one of those days, make like Nike, and just do it. Maybe your day will do a 360, and maybe it won't. But I can guarantee that it will be a lot better than it was before. I'd love to hear from you, so let me know how it goes. And no, I'm not talking about the spammers who leave long Chinese messages in the comment section. You deserve a sleepless night. But for the rest of my excellent readers and customers, have a wonderful, not so balmy March outing, and an amazing day.

One More Thing I Know for Sure

One of the things I like best about being in my fifties is that I feel like I finally know who I am. I know my likes and dislikes, my good qualities and my faults. So it came as a surprise to me, just yesterday, when I had to face an uncomfortable truth about myself. For years I've proclaimed to family and friends that I would love to have one more day with my children as the babies they were. I would just sit all day and hold them. I'd rock them, nurse them, and kiss their little necks. I'd play games and make them laugh. It would be wonderful to be back in that time when all they wanted was to be in my arms.

The new revelation came about this way. My daughter has been visiting for a few weeks with her nine month old baby girl. Claire has not been without her mom except for play periods with dad in the early morning. But Claire grew very comfortable with us, and Hilary thought she'd be okay for an hour while she went for a well deserved massage.

She was more than okay, and we had a wonderful time. Her grandpa was still at school, so it was just the two of us. I read her some books, and we played on the floor. As we spent time together, though, I found myself looking at the piles of laundry and the junk that had accumulated in the living room. Through the open bedroom door, I could see my unmade bed and clothing scattered on the floor, making it look like the room belonged to hoarders. (or my teenage self.)

I couldn't stand it a moment longer, so I grabbed a babyTrekker (I have a few around here) and popped Claire on my back. My kids liked facing out, but she likes facing in. It didn't take me long to figure out that she likes a lot of singing and chatting when she's being carried. In about fifteen minutes time I'd tidied the living room, made my bed and put away a bunch of clothes. I was filled with a euphoric sense of well being as I realized that I was recreating my life with my own babies. And then the bubble burst.

I saw that, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't just sit in the chair and rock. I wouldn't while away the hours just playing with my baby. Because, I realized, I'm just too hyper to sit still that long. Its why I designed the babyTrekker in the first place. I hated that 'stuck' feeling of being in a messy house and feeling tied to the chair. And what I hated even more than a messy house was, and is, a sad baby or toddler. We have a no cry policy in our extended family, which means that we do whatever we can to keep baby happy. It's common knowledge now that infants whose needs are met are less likely to experience depression. I'm glad that science is backing it up, but in truth, I could no more let a baby cry than I could kick a dog.

Time with my granddaughter is precious, especially since she lives so far away. I love to make her laugh. I kiss her neck, and hold her in her favorite standing position while she checks out the goodies on the coffee table. But I'm still the same person, and after awhile, I'll pop her in the carrier and we'll boogie around the house together. That's who I am. See? Now that I'm in my fifties, I have it all figured out.

What We Do for Love

My mother in law fell and broke her hip a few weeks ago, and she will probably be in the hospital for quite some time. I know that this is not unusual for a senior of eighty-five. But it's very hard to see her lying there, a tiny little scarecrow of a woman, clutching my hand and telling me that she's ready to go. I hold her hand just as tightly, asking her to please try harder. Please stay. I feel like a child who is lost in the woods, when I picture my life without her. When I got married thirty-five years ago, I never realized that she would become so precious to me.

I've heard it said that love takes many forms. Maybe that's why we don't always recognize it for what it is. In the early days of my business, my mother started showing up at my door unexpectedly. She'd pack Trekkers into boxes and then into crates for shipping. She'd clean off the lunch table (the blessings of a home business!) and answer the phone at the same time. She made herself indespensible, and didn't want to be paid for her work. I finally had to bar the door to her until she gave in.

My first trade show with the babyTrekker, aside from local events, was in Dallas, Texas. Two of my sisters came with me, along with my oldest daughter, Hilary. It was a lot of work, and plenty of fun. All of my sisters (five!)and my only brother have helped me in some way with my business, from the sewing in the early days, to figuring out various wearing positions, to manning the booths or modelling the babyTrekker in photos and demo videos. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. It meant time sacrificed and their own plans put on hold, many times over.

One day when I had a particularly large order to deliver, my inlaws, my mom and dad and other family members came over and started packing. It took hours to get that order ready. When I look back, I remember how much fun we had. I also remember the sacrifices that my family made for me. Friends also helped out from time to time. My La Leche League family was a strong source of support, especially the O'Brien family.

Small businesses don't just happen because one person gets an idea. It's like the popular saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, it takes a lovely, supportive community to get a business going as well. The people in my town have been amazing when it came to helping me get started. From the staff at Canada Post, to our local Greenstone agency for small business, to the stores that have promoted our products and the Flin Flonners who strong arm others into trying the carrier. I hear it all the time from customers on the phone. "I met someone from your town and they said that I had to try the babyTrekker. It's the only one that works." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that story.

I've been thinking lately about all the things that we do to help each other out in life. As parents, we do everything that we can to make sure our children get the best start in life. Some of us go a little overboard (yes, Mari, I admit it) but it's only because we care! Action is the outlet for a parent's love, though sometimes staying quiet and allowing your child to figure things out for themselves is the best action of all. The thing is, when we do it right, then the next generation wants to return the favor. Love begets love. Kindness is a garden of good fruit, and the seeds gathered from it move from generation to generation. And finally, the things that we've done for others becomes the love that sees us through to the end.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...Really!

The Christmas season has changed for me since I was a child. Back then, all I could think about was what present would be under the tree on Christmas morning. And did mom make my favorite cookies. I have pretty fond memories of those days, but there are things I like about growing older, too. For one, I'm not doing it alone. The friends and family that I started out with are traveling along side me, usually carrying the same baggage. Maybe there are financial pressures, health concerns, or more serious issues, like living with teenagers while going through menopause, (God bless them and keep them.) Some may be empty nesters running through their homes with literally naked abandon, screaming the song 'Freedom.' Others have their noses wistfully pressed to the window,eagerly awaiting their turn. Either way, we're all going in the same direction.

It's a good thing, this mutual parting of the ways between parent and child. Children figure out how to do things on their own, nag free. They make their own decisions, right or wrong, and live with them, happy that the choice is theirs alone.
Christmas time brings all the generations back together again. Sure, there are petty squabbles, and it can get a little complicated finding room for everyone. But that's the real gift of Christmas. Being together again, and seeing all the changes in the children and in each other. Hugging parents who seem a little more frail each year. Standing arm in arm with loving siblings who have learned to say "wow!" when they see your new hair do, instead of 'What were you thinking?" Families are the best gift you'll ever get.
I remember watching Alec Baldwin during a Christmas episode of 30 Rock. He was bitter about his mother's ongoing relationship with an older, wealthy gentleman. As the episode continued, he realized that it had been the only way she had to get money to buy presents for Christmas. When Tina Fey's character asked him if they got any gifts, he choked up. "You couldn't see the floor," he said.

If our hearts are open, we can still see the gifts that we've received over a lifetime. When we try to count them one by one, we discover that there are many.
Our memories, whether happy or sad, are a gift. They are our Geographical Positioning System, pointing us to where we want to go in life. They remind us of all we seek to keep, and what we need to leave behind. Sift through them all, and count them. Hold onto the people you love, and be open to new loves and new experiences. Life has a lot of good things waiting for you in 2011. Next year at this time, if you count your blessings, I bet you'll find that they cover the floor.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah. I pray for God's blessing and peace on all the families all over the world.

I have a confession to make. I had a thousand ideas for this blog during the month of November, but due to taking part in the 'write a book in the month of November' craze (www.nanowrimo.org) I didn't get anything down on paper. Or screen, I should say. Trying to get fifty thousand words down in thirty days is a challenge for anyone. It was even crazier for my oldest daughter Hilary, mother to six months old Claire.

I was in the city of Calgary for two weeks during November, and many days we wrote together while Claire was napping, or playing on the floor. In some ways it was easier for Hilary than for me, because time with my granddaughter is precious. I'd find my eyes straying from the screen to watch Claire putting everything she had into reaching a toy. She put more effort into five minutes of tummytime than I put during the whole nanowrimo experience.

Babies amaze me. It might look as if they're just goofing around. What's really happening, of course, is a whole lot of learning. Every part of their bodies, including their mouths, is used to explore their world. When Hilary wears Claire in the babyTrekker, she positions her according to her mood, and the time of day. If we were out shopping and she'd just napped in her carseat, then Hilary faces her outward. Though she has no context for what she sees, she looks around with a huge grin, engaged by other people's faces. After a while, when she's tired, Hilary turns her inward, and she gazes lovingly at her mother, patting her face with her little hand and making her little ba ba ba ba ba sounds. At home, Hilary wears her in the backpack position. She faces out if she's lively and chatting, and she faces in if she's tired, but doesn't want to nurse to sleep. I'm amazed by how much Hilary can do while wearing her daughter.

I wore Claire on my back one morning, hoping to give her mother a little extra rest. I was amazed at the language employed by a six month old. I swear she was even trying to sing along with the Christmas carols I had playing as I worked in the kitchen.
Something that took me a long time to figure out was the fact that, as much as we teach our babies, if we're listening, they will teach us so much about being better parents. They use sounds and facial expressions to convey their level of comfort. They let you know when they're tired of laying on the floor, or bouncing in the exersaucer. If you're not picking up the signals they're giving, eventually they cry. You figure out that they're not happy and need a change. Mostly they just want you, the mother, and in time, their dad too.

Crying is a last resort for most babies. I think of it as an early form of cursing, and I tried hard as a parent not to allow it to happen any more than I could help. The babyTrekker helps in many ways. When you spend lots of time with your baby, you become more alert to their cues. Most busy parents don't have all day to sit and gaze lovingly, so a good carrier becomes your best parenting tool. High chairs, bouncy seats and other diversions are great when you have to eat a meal (or write a book!) But wearing baby is a great way to stay tuned in. The added benefit is the clean house, or dinner on the table.
To all my Nanowrimo friends around the world, Congratulations on your big effort and hard work. To my customers, I wish you a cozy winter and Happy Trekking, as you parent your babies.